Two steps forward, one step back...

Sorry for not posting, but things have been pretty hectic.  We are now in Guangzhou, and it hasn't been an easy couple of days.  TianTian has ramped up the resistance and still won't have anything to do with me if Richard or Baba are anywhere within screaming distance.  If they aren't around, she'll let me do things for her only if she ABSOLUTELY can't do them herself.  We've had a few moments of true laughing and playing, but they are few and far between.  It only seems to happen when she gets caught up in the moment and forgets that she's decided to hate me... Then suddenly she will remember and glare at me, and we start our little drama all over again.
 
This morning after two tantrums and 45 minutes of coercion, we got her down to breakfast.  Then we went to Six Banyan (sp?) temple and she was blessed by one of the monks there.  Then we went clothes shopping and jewelry shopping.  I bought a few strings of pearls.  Some for our kid's weddings, and one for myself, and a couple of gifts.  I let TianTian get a little necklace (not pearls).  After she picked it out from the display, I took it off the hook to give it to her, and she snatched it out of my hand and glared at me.  Then after we bought clothes, she saw a pair of shoes that she wanted, and I wouldn't buy them for her, so she had a big tantrum...  
 
I understand the resentment and fear and all that stuff, and intellectually I know it will take time and all of that,  but it's much different to be in the middle of it.  I feel really bad for Jason. He just can't take a break.  If we go anywhere together, she literally hangs all over him, and has a meltdown if he gets out of her sight.  I think he's starting to lose his patience, so I'm going to try and get him out of the hotel today to do some shopping for himself, all alone.  I think he needs some space.
 
It's really difficult to know how to react to her.  How much space do we give her and how much do we push?  Obviously some things NEED to be done.  With her diabetes, she needs to get her blood sugar checked and insulin shots and she needs to eat on a regular basis.  When she runs into traffic, we need to stop her.  But on the less necessary stuff, how much to we insist on?  It's a fine line, and it's not easy to see it all the time.  And if we let her get away with stuff, Quincy gets mad.  He can't get away with that stuff, so why can she? 
 
Obviously it will be different when we get home, but I have a feeling it's going to be a long 4 days until we get there.  Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
 
Peace, love, joy and more peace,
Bridget
 
 
 
 
 

Better... I think.

Well, this is Baba posting today. I was able to pull myself away from our daughter, literally, for a moment. Today we went to the flower expo. We visited this place last time with Quincy, but we thought we would try again. The exhibit is essentially a bunch of flowers and nature stuff from the various places in China. It is cool, but impossible to really take in with a 5 and 10 year old, especially a 10 year old who screams any time Mama tries to touch, talk, or look at her. I know it is just a reaction to the situation, but it is hard for both Bridget and I. I have had a headache since we landed and today it peaked. I was nearly out this morning, but things improved enough for me to make the expo trip. Over all it was fun, but of course Meg continued to test her boundaries by running off, getting into places she shouldn't and trying to take everything hanging in the countless little stands filled with water and toy-junk.
Meg is definitely making improvements, but it is very hard to gauge which of her reactions are real and which are just trying to solicit a reaction from us. It is much like we have adopted a 4 year old again, but this time in a much bigger body that can't be thrown on my shoulders. One highlight at the expo was when Mama, Meg, Quincy and grandma all dressed up in "traditional costumes" for pictures. Attached are a few. Also the one of the TV is from Meg. She got a hold of the camera and apparently took about 35 blurry pictures of the tv.
Overall things are getting better, the meltdowns are getting further apart and the mad dashes for the door/street/water are letting up a bit too. We just can't wait to get home.
 
Peace to you all and keep us in your thoughts... the plane ride to Guangzhou is in 2 days... yikes.

For better (More pictures)

Definitely better, not worse

So, immediately after I posted yesterday, things started to improve.  TianTian woke up from her nap and was in a much improved state of mind. We've had a few more meltdowns, but not as many, and not so severe as before.

We all went to the zoo, and she had a GREAT time.  She especially liked the tigers and elephants.  She and Quincy also went on a little kid roller coaster, and she had the time of her life.  When she got off, she kept saying "too much fun".  She still ran off a little, and was very upset when we wouldn't buy her every toy they had at the little carts in the zoo.  At one point when I took away one of the toys, she jumped down a step and slipped and skinned her knee, but it was MUCH better than the previous day at the park.
 
Baba (daddy) has emerged as the clear favorite in this family.  Mama is a bit more strict and in charge of necessary stuff like medicine, clothes, hair and such, but Baba is MUCH more fun, and she keeps running to him when Mama is too mean... Even when he makes her do the same thing that Mama was going to make her do, it seems to be easier coming from him.  At this point, we'll take it.  Quincy was the same way.  As long as she's bonding with at least one of us, the rest will come in time.  And at night, she still holds my hand and wants me to rub her back, so it's all good.
 
Today we went back to the orphanage for a visit.  The "mean" older boy in the wheelchair who has obsessively occupied Quincy's thoughts was not there.  He's in foster care now, so that was one thing Quincy didn't have to worry about.  Quincy's other fear, the man in the glasses who would hit him, was there.  But we just saw him from a distance, and everything was okay there too.  No need for rescue helicopters or blowing up walls to escape, so all of Quincy's plans for rescuing Meg were unnecessary.
 
We had an amazing lunch with two women from the orphanage.  We were supposed to have lunch with the director, but something emergent came up and she couldn't come.  These two kids were definitely loved at the orphanage.  The caregivers were so happy that the two kids have been reunited and have found their forever family.  We feel the same way.
 
Peace, love, happiness,
Bridget
 
 

For Better or Worse...

It's official.  We have a daughter.  Forever.  Really.  It's just sort of sinking in. It's hard to believe it's true and she's ours forever. 
 
Yesterday was a rough day.  This morning hasn't been much better.  The honeymoon is definitely over, but at least it was over before we signed the adoption papers, so we can't say we weren't warned... :)
 
Yesterday started okay.  We got dressed, she let me braid her hair.  She ran around the breakfast buffet area, but it was more curiousity and excitement than anything.  Then Richard came and we all went for a walk in the park.  She continually ran away from us, not out of curiousity, but to test us.  And when we caught her and prevented her from falling in the lake, getting hit by cars, or crashing into people, she would scream bloody murder and act like we were beating on her.  I'm pretty sure all the Chinese people watching thought we were abducting her.  It didn't bother me one bit that people were staring at me restraining a tantruming 10 year, but I was a little afraid someone would call the police.  Jason was even more worried about it.  People think worse of men in those situations.  I'm glad Richard was there with us, so that people could overhear him talking to her in Chinese, and maybe get an idea of what was going on...
 
Then we went and completed the adoption.  She ran around the room and caused trouble while we were completing paperwork.  At one point, she locked herself in the little room where they take the photos...  After that, we went back to the hotel and hung out and played there for the rest of the day.  Bed time went okay, but both she and Quincy woke up about 2:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep.  I sat with them until about 4:30 and then Jason took Quincy into our room, and I stayed with Meg until she fell asleep about 5. 

This morning, she got dressed and when I tried to brush her hair, she threw another tantrum and wouldn't get off the bed.  So, I stayed with her while everyone else went down to breakfast.  She fell asleep again shortly after that, and then I went down and got some breakfast as well.

We were planning on going to the zoo today, but I don't know if it will happen.  I don't know if she's ready for another outing yet.  Jason and my mom might take Quincy and I'll stay here with her.   Or maybe she'll be feeling a bit better after some more sleep.  Who knows.
 
I have to say that Quincy has been amazing through this. It's like he's the big brother, and he's been taking good care of his sister, and helping Mama and Baba so much.  He's such an amazing guy!

Keep us in your prayers.

Love, Peace and Happiness,
Bridget

Here's one more picture

Additional Pic from our meeting with Meg

I looked at the blog and realized I must have attached the wrong picture.  Not sure how to delete it from here, but here's the one I meant to put in...

We met Miss TianTian yesterday.  We got to the office where we were going to meet our daughter and waited for a bit.  (She got stuck in traffic.) We were all so excited and nervous.  I think Quincy was literally bouncing off the walls at one point.
 
Then she walked in, looked around, and was told we were her mama and baba.  She glanced at us truly couldn't have cared less... Then Quincy came up to her and she got very excited to see her Wu XinYan again. We gave her a wheelie backpack with a few toys in it, and she was very excited about the wheels on the backpack.  Didn't really care about the toys... She and Quincy walked back and forth around the room, from the window to the telephone and back again about a hundred times.  She didn't want to have anything to do with mama or baba yet... We didn't want to crowd her, so we just let the two kids get reacquainted.  Within 5 minutes, Quincy was working hard to impress his big sister, and she was bossing him around.  It was like they had never been separated, even though they don't speak the same language any more.
 
We got instructions on her medications from a very concerned caretaker, and signed some papers and were on our way.  Today we complete the adoption formally!
 
At the hotel, it was like deja vu.  She and Quincy are two peas in a pod.  She acted almost exactly like Quincy did when we brought him here on his adoption day.  She played constantly with the TV's, phones, DVD player, cameras and everything electronic.  We took her down the street to buy some dress shoes and she tried running into traffic, and walked out of a store with a toy.  She didn't realize we had to pay for it.  She has no concept of the outside world, and her behavior is very young.  She is very strong-willed and stubborn  as well.  We're going to have our hands full.  That's for sure!
 
Mama has handled the blood sugar testing and the insulin injections by herself so far (with grandma's supervision).  I am SO GLAD that mom came along.  I would have been so intimidated to do all of that without her help.  Baba gets to start learning soon.
 
TianTian (Meg) had a really hard time getting to sleep last night... It was pretty rough on all of us.  But it did afford some bonding experience for Mama and TianTian.  We cuddled, and she cried a let me rub her back and comfort her for a while.  Up until that time she'd pretty much shied away from physical contact from the grown-ups.  (She and Quincy were holding hands and hugging and wrestling...)
 
Overall, she seems to be taking it all very well, and was all smiles this morning...  She let Mama brush and braid her hair (which is long, beautiful and amazingly thick).  Now we're off to make her a permanant member of our family!  We can't wait!\
 
Peace, love, and happiness,
Bridget (Proud parent of 2!!!)
 
 

We arrived

Well, we arrived. We left Friday at 6am to get to the airport, boarded a plane at 10am and arrived in China at 11:30pm Saturday, Kunming time.
We are waiting this morning to go to meet Meg. We are very excited. We are all pretty much sleep deprived and crazed, but very excited. Quincy is bouncing off the walls. The 14 hour plane trip, then the 2, 2-hour trips pretty much did us all in.
Anticipation is high as is our anxiety, but we are here, and the end is near. Kuming is very much how we remember it. We took a walking trip to WalMart this morning to get some water and a few things, and is our tradition there, got totally lost trying to get out. However, we did get water, some noodles and a monkey for Meg. Not a real monkey, a stuffed one... not a REAL stuffed monkey, a fake one. Quincy wanted us to make sure we clarified that.

 

Ok, our next entry will be post Meg-Meeting... so wish us luck.

 

Peace to you all.

 

Jason

Proud parent of 2.