We're home safe and sound!

Sorry for not updating the blog, but it's been a crazy few days. 
 
We're all jet-lagged and tired and fighting nasty colds with little sleep.  But we're home safe and sound.
 
We got in Thursday night after a fairly uneventful flight.  It was long.  The layover in Shanghai was 6 hours, but we went to the food court, hung out, played games, waited in line forever at ticketing, and made it through without too much incident.  The kids slept most of the way home on the long flight, but mom and dad didn't.  So when we got home, they didn't feel like sleeping, and we were exhausted.  Other than that, things went relatively well.
 
Friday and the weekend were pretty long.  Jason and I were exhausted, and the kids kept us up all night.  If one of them was asleep, the other one was awake, and even though we took turns trying to take care of them, we didn't get much rest.   Now, on top of it, we all have colds, probably due in part to lack of sleep.  Sunday and Monday nights were better, and we all got to sleep through the night finally.  I feel almost human again.

Meg is doing pretty well, at least as well as can be expected.   She settled in at home right away.  We've had a few breakdowns at home, but it seems that in the house, she feels pretty comfortable..  She's still stubborn and we've had our moments, but things are much better than in China.
 
We still haven't had much luck taking her out.  She is just unpredictable and prone to throwing tantrums at unpredictable times.  We've tried to limit the outings, but to be honest, we're going stir crazy trapped in the house...  The few small outings we've had (grandma's house, library, shoe store) were okay.  The biggest problem seems to be getting her to leave anywhere...
 
Then today we went to the doctor, and it went reasonably well.  She screamed when we asked her (and eventually helped her) take off her clothes, and then again when we asked her to put them back on, but the actual exam went fine.
 
Another appointment with the endocrinologist this afternoon... We'll see how that goes.  Wish us luck!
 
Although it sounds like doom and gloom, we have a lot of happy moments too.  She has a good sense of humor, and she frequently tries to bring us into her fun.  I think once we're all settled in and she's more comfortable, she will fit right in with our silly, offbeat family.  She is fascinated, but scared of our cats.  She keeps taking the photos of the cats and showing them to the cats.  Or taking a picture the cat and setting it near them, as if to show the cat that it is in the picture... Silly and funny.  She made me come upstairs to show me that Moo was sleeping on our bed.  And she told me that I should not let Moo sleep on the bed.  It was mama and baba's bed...
 
It's been a rough start, but it IS getting better.  She's just trying to establish her boundaries and frequently gets overwhelmed with everything and loses control.  And since she's never been told no in her entire life, and hasn't ever had any boundaries or responsibilities, it's very frustrating for her.  It's all compounded by our only very basic level of communication.  Slowly but surely, it is getting better, and we are all settling in.

Peace, love and joy,
Bridget
 
 

Last night

Well, here it is... the last official night in China before we head home. We went to the American Consulate today and swore our oath to raise Meg to the best of our abilities and the like. It was cool. There were about 30 other families there. Nearly every one had a baby in their arms. We were the only ones with a child as old as 10. The next oldest I think was near 4, as was Mister Q when we adopted him a year and a half ago.
Adopting an older child here is lonely. We were alone on the last trip and we were alone this trip. I know being by yourself has advantages, like being able to choose exactly what you do each day, but it also is very singular. Most of the couples there at the consulate were part of a group of at least 1 or 2 other families. It seemed like they had all formed bonds with the other couples and could lean on each other because they were going through the same stuff. I think I missed a bit of that. We could kind of talk to other families and we were all in the same general boat, but we definitely had our own level to ourselves. The one thing that we ALL had in common was that everyone looked like they were just dang tired. I know we are.
Today Meg was doing pretty well. She had her usual morning fit when we tried to get her dressed. She was asked to wear an outfit that she picked out in Kunming and wore 2 days in a row. Today she wanted to have nothing to do with it. Bridget got to stay up in the room this time while Q and I went to breakfast with Grandma. They made it down about 15mn later and everything seemed ok. She was wearing the outfit we set out... so we won that battle.
Meg did pretty well all morning. Mom and grandma went out after breakfast to do some shopping, then I went out when they came back. We left for the consulate about 2:45 and she was just fine. She still had some sniffles, but nothing like yesterday. I didn't get to read if Bridget posted anything about her sneezing and the product it left, but I will just say that, being the only parent she allows to touch her left my back pocket full of... well, I will say that if anyone tried to pick my back pocket, they would have gotten what they deserved.  Anyway... back to the day. The swearing in went well. She mostly sat in the little area they had for kids, with some toys and such, and built a tower of Duplo blocks that was higher than she was. She seemed very proud, as she should have been. On the ride home, we were to stop at a few places to pick up a few last things, some DVDs and some books for the plane trip home. As we stopped for the DVDs, Quincy so tactfully pointed out that she was making a mess with her mouth. I looked over and she was staring forward and it looked like she had spit up a bit. I thought it was odd, but proceeded to get a napkin to wiper her off. As I did... whatever else had been bubbling up, made it's escape, all over the van and my towel and me and her. The van had stopped and I was getting out, thinking we were going to clean her up and get situated. Richard was talking to the driver and I had no idea what they were on about, but as I got out, the door closed and the van took off. Richard said they would head back to the hotel and we would just get the shopping done and cab it home. I was worried, but figured they would call if there was trouble. We got the DVDs and the books and headed home. Bridget said that Meg had let loose a few more times in the van, but she was apparently doing ok. When I opened the door she smiled and said hello as she always did. She had eaten some crackers and was looking fine. She had her blood sugar checked and was ok. I don't know if she had a bit of food poisoning, or what, but she went to bed in good spirits.  I just hope she is well for the day of plane trips. I am NOT looking forward to the 6 hour lay over. Oh well...
Till next time, when we type from our own computer in the USA...
 
Jason, of the Laflin brood.

Last day in China

First I want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, good wishes and emails.  I'm so sorry I haven't had time to respond personally, but know that I truly appreciate them all.
 
Yesterday Jason took Quincy to a zoo with Richard and I stayed back at the hotel with Meg.  She was pretty frosty for an hour or so, so I let her have some space.  Then I started packing and asked her if she wanted to help.  Which she did.  So she helped me fold and pack clothes for a while.  Then I got out a little craft kit that Jason had bought at Carrefour.  We cut out paper and glued things together and had some bonding time.  Her development in the skills of cutting, pasting, art project type stuff is about on par with Quincy, but it was a fun time anyway.
 
Then we went for a little walk around the hotel, since we were both feeling pretty cooped up in our stuffy room.  It went well.  She watched for cars (mostly) and even warned me when cars were coming a few times.  When we got back to the hotel entrance, she really didn't want to go in, and melted down.  Luckily Baba and QUincy pulled up a couple of minutes later and we got her inside fairly easily.
 
She has a bit of a cold, so I think that's affecting her mood as well.  All in all, it was a good day though. 

Today we had a meltdown about getting dressed.  That's a daily occurrence.  But I distracted her by testing her blood sugar and then she got dressed while I was getting her insulin shot ready...
 
Today we go to the consulate and finish some last minute shopping and tomorrow we leave early in the morning.  Please keep us in your prayers for the long flight home.  The lay-over in Shanghai is gonna be a rough 6 hours, I think.
 
Peace, love and happiness,
Bridget
 
 

Two steps forward, one step back...

Sorry for not posting, but things have been pretty hectic.  We are now in Guangzhou, and it hasn't been an easy couple of days.  TianTian has ramped up the resistance and still won't have anything to do with me if Richard or Baba are anywhere within screaming distance.  If they aren't around, she'll let me do things for her only if she ABSOLUTELY can't do them herself.  We've had a few moments of true laughing and playing, but they are few and far between.  It only seems to happen when she gets caught up in the moment and forgets that she's decided to hate me... Then suddenly she will remember and glare at me, and we start our little drama all over again.
 
This morning after two tantrums and 45 minutes of coercion, we got her down to breakfast.  Then we went to Six Banyan (sp?) temple and she was blessed by one of the monks there.  Then we went clothes shopping and jewelry shopping.  I bought a few strings of pearls.  Some for our kid's weddings, and one for myself, and a couple of gifts.  I let TianTian get a little necklace (not pearls).  After she picked it out from the display, I took it off the hook to give it to her, and she snatched it out of my hand and glared at me.  Then after we bought clothes, she saw a pair of shoes that she wanted, and I wouldn't buy them for her, so she had a big tantrum...  
 
I understand the resentment and fear and all that stuff, and intellectually I know it will take time and all of that,  but it's much different to be in the middle of it.  I feel really bad for Jason. He just can't take a break.  If we go anywhere together, she literally hangs all over him, and has a meltdown if he gets out of her sight.  I think he's starting to lose his patience, so I'm going to try and get him out of the hotel today to do some shopping for himself, all alone.  I think he needs some space.
 
It's really difficult to know how to react to her.  How much space do we give her and how much do we push?  Obviously some things NEED to be done.  With her diabetes, she needs to get her blood sugar checked and insulin shots and she needs to eat on a regular basis.  When she runs into traffic, we need to stop her.  But on the less necessary stuff, how much to we insist on?  It's a fine line, and it's not easy to see it all the time.  And if we let her get away with stuff, Quincy gets mad.  He can't get away with that stuff, so why can she? 
 
Obviously it will be different when we get home, but I have a feeling it's going to be a long 4 days until we get there.  Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
 
Peace, love, joy and more peace,
Bridget
 
 
 
 
 

Better... I think.

Well, this is Baba posting today. I was able to pull myself away from our daughter, literally, for a moment. Today we went to the flower expo. We visited this place last time with Quincy, but we thought we would try again. The exhibit is essentially a bunch of flowers and nature stuff from the various places in China. It is cool, but impossible to really take in with a 5 and 10 year old, especially a 10 year old who screams any time Mama tries to touch, talk, or look at her. I know it is just a reaction to the situation, but it is hard for both Bridget and I. I have had a headache since we landed and today it peaked. I was nearly out this morning, but things improved enough for me to make the expo trip. Over all it was fun, but of course Meg continued to test her boundaries by running off, getting into places she shouldn't and trying to take everything hanging in the countless little stands filled with water and toy-junk.
Meg is definitely making improvements, but it is very hard to gauge which of her reactions are real and which are just trying to solicit a reaction from us. It is much like we have adopted a 4 year old again, but this time in a much bigger body that can't be thrown on my shoulders. One highlight at the expo was when Mama, Meg, Quincy and grandma all dressed up in "traditional costumes" for pictures. Attached are a few. Also the one of the TV is from Meg. She got a hold of the camera and apparently took about 35 blurry pictures of the tv.
Overall things are getting better, the meltdowns are getting further apart and the mad dashes for the door/street/water are letting up a bit too. We just can't wait to get home.
 
Peace to you all and keep us in your thoughts... the plane ride to Guangzhou is in 2 days... yikes.

For better (More pictures)

Definitely better, not worse

So, immediately after I posted yesterday, things started to improve.  TianTian woke up from her nap and was in a much improved state of mind. We've had a few more meltdowns, but not as many, and not so severe as before.

We all went to the zoo, and she had a GREAT time.  She especially liked the tigers and elephants.  She and Quincy also went on a little kid roller coaster, and she had the time of her life.  When she got off, she kept saying "too much fun".  She still ran off a little, and was very upset when we wouldn't buy her every toy they had at the little carts in the zoo.  At one point when I took away one of the toys, she jumped down a step and slipped and skinned her knee, but it was MUCH better than the previous day at the park.
 
Baba (daddy) has emerged as the clear favorite in this family.  Mama is a bit more strict and in charge of necessary stuff like medicine, clothes, hair and such, but Baba is MUCH more fun, and she keeps running to him when Mama is too mean... Even when he makes her do the same thing that Mama was going to make her do, it seems to be easier coming from him.  At this point, we'll take it.  Quincy was the same way.  As long as she's bonding with at least one of us, the rest will come in time.  And at night, she still holds my hand and wants me to rub her back, so it's all good.
 
Today we went back to the orphanage for a visit.  The "mean" older boy in the wheelchair who has obsessively occupied Quincy's thoughts was not there.  He's in foster care now, so that was one thing Quincy didn't have to worry about.  Quincy's other fear, the man in the glasses who would hit him, was there.  But we just saw him from a distance, and everything was okay there too.  No need for rescue helicopters or blowing up walls to escape, so all of Quincy's plans for rescuing Meg were unnecessary.
 
We had an amazing lunch with two women from the orphanage.  We were supposed to have lunch with the director, but something emergent came up and she couldn't come.  These two kids were definitely loved at the orphanage.  The caregivers were so happy that the two kids have been reunited and have found their forever family.  We feel the same way.
 
Peace, love, happiness,
Bridget